Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
