He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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