and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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