I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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