Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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