look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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