No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
