There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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