There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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