Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
