so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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