Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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