what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
