This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
