your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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