i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
