If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
