DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
