I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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