This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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