The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
