I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
