No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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