i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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