I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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