Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm bleeding and have questions
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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