I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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