I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
