The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
