I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
