before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
