So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
