So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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