I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
