I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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