im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
