I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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