I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
