Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
