Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
