I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When are your genitals available?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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