Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize