So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize