Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
