i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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