So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My ass is underappreciated
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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