she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
