I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
