how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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