Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
