You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
