She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
