Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
