She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
