I bet he comes in French.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
