Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
