I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
