the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
