um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
