Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
