ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
