i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
