bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
