I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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