your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
