Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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