Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
