What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
