In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
