he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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