I met the friendliest cop last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
