just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
