I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Small penises have feelings too.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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