What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize