I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
