I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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