I seem to have left my pride at pride
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
