Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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