He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
MIDGETS
????
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
