I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We have so much sex to catch up on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
